Wednesday, February 25, 2015

My Ex is a Psychopath and I'm Stuck Here Trying to Heal

Leave me alone! Don't read this. I can't stop to figure out how you found this site or how I need to proceed to better secure my words as I fight the brink of sanity, but it's the third time I've attempted to use a tool that could help me heal and understand, but so far no privacy found. 

I was dubbed by a sociopath

 [you must ask for permission through this link] and I was madly in love with him when it happened. It meaning a trauma so unexpected and one I never saw coming that I knew not only that I was in shock, but I would never be with this man again. I had seen evil.

One online blog I thought was just in draft form had several followers that night when I came back, since you see, I was recovering from the damage and devastation of loving a Psychopath, and caused those he "LOVES"  to be so devastated, it is is so very complex and horrifying, everyday. Joy, joy-between running, trying to scramble up your stuff, find any hidden finances, ask around for places to stay, see a counselor right away, see a trauma specialist if you are still in shock or have PTSD like I did. Then you need immediate treatment for the trauma just so you can speak and not stutter or hyperventilate. So you can imagine the terror I felt when I saw "followers" and later read on one of hundreds of sites for survivors of a sociopathic relationship, that those that follow blogs of victims are often sociopaths themselves. Wow. I yanked that blog down that second 

We've run out of places to go when THIS has to come out. I've used online private journals, notebooks if they are handy, all kinds of apps on my phone(s) yes, part of the problem. Laptop notebook, chromebook Google Doc, then Asus computer needs to be sent back )just got it back from these repairs it showed up with untouched) so now anything goes with it, and when my phone ran out of hotspot ability due to limit, I could no longer connect my chrome, so my documents and folders and bookmarks almost all in one place.....gone. Talk to people about it?? Okay  for tiny amounts of time and limitations on WHAT comes out of your mouth. Are you done yet??  Only see counselor for one hour a week and that only lasted a month most of that time being treated for PTSD from domestic abuse caused by my only family and closest person to me in the world-my ex fiance, the psychopath.  I refer to him as a sociopath because they SEEM less crazy, but they are  not, and he actually fits the profile of a psychopath. Think John Wayne Gacy  or Ted Bundy crazy. I've been told he is a psychopath by one social worker, and that he is definitely a sociopath by two counselors and all the social workers I met with. I could not wrap my head around either, There are subtle differences and he has those "extra" characteristics to meet the definition I'm sure, but I choose not to call him that or consider it.  but  I was too heartbroken and in shock, but nearly a year later, I am free to see the truth and protect myself. 

I started a blog called My Boyfriend is a Psychopath. I figured if I kept the privacy issues under wraps, and I could just vent usually based on reading some other huge part of this kind of monster, and suddenly realizing how THAT had been going on forever, and it just hit me. Tears, anger, sleeping with knife out of fear, a stuffed animal as you both cry yourselves to sleep miles apart. He in your home with your belongings, me in a stranger bedroom I was able to rent for a month while I worked things out as to what's next. You don't worry. You never do. You know why? I do! I do!

  • I always hesitate to write anywhere about this, but I've learned it's absolutely necessary in moving forward. I pray people can't find my ramblings, but I'm told I've been helping people , which is how I live my life, so it makes sense I would help. I password protect,but I'm posting more and with less fear

Google SERP Show If Not Number One You Lose A LOT


Google Page One Number One or Bust?


It disturbs me to think what an impatience, judgmental, harsh and little signs of compassion and kindness we have towards each other in our society sometimes. While I'm very much an optimist and see the good in people, it's hard to ignore at times the blatant and multiple acts of bad behavior we witness daily. Thank God for the moments of joy mixed in throughout the day, and that is always there, or people would lose their minds and maybe their spirits. This chart with the latest results of how little wiggle room we have when using the Internet as a major tool in our businesses that we have. It makes my job as an organic SEO online marketer looking pretty good for the future because the need for expert SEO services is apparent, and I'm very good, but it still seems sad to me. Read it and tell me what you think.

Check out the chart below taken from the page of a top SEO International Firm. It's the results of a series of tests/research carried out by researchers and SEO giants seeing how important SEO and SERP (search engine results page) rankings really were.The studies showed it is EXTREMELY important to be listed and the top of the first page of the search engine results page (SERP). The number one slot gets most of the clicks. Clicks=$$ or "Likes".It's a  little concerning. Consumers only read the results on page one. And many only read the top few organic results, meaning out of the 10 organic, natural, "real" results, only the top 3 get much attention. If you're number 10, you get only 2.2 percent of the click. Read it, it's actually quite eye opening.

Click Distribution of First Page Google Search Engine Results Page


Diana